"After surviving the cruel rage of tyranny from her mother and ex-husband, Sarah Jackson traveled a new path; a journey of loss, heartbreak, and ultimately strength. How do we survive the unthinkable, our child suffering from a terminal illness? They say there is no greater loss than that of a child; I say losing a child is the King of Loss. Sometimes the thing that helps us survive it, is knowing we are not alone. Bestselling author, Sarah Jackson, will take you on her journey of hope and strength as she provides an intimate raw look at her life."
"I want to go to Heaven, Mom" he said innocently. Behind those blue eyes, I didn't see a speck of fear. And for a while I wondered where he got the concept of Heaven. I wanted to cry because I didn't want him to go just yet. Not now. Not in a few months. Certainly never before me, not if I could help it! So I told him softly, "We don't always get what we want in life. So you might have to stay with Mom for a while." I knew not what to say next so we prayed together. I kept praying as Eli was given light sedation before surgery and they finally wheeled him away to the operating room at around 2 PM. I lost my chance to ask Eli what he knew of Heaven. Why didn't I ask Eli? Why didn't I ask Eli what he knew of Jesus? My heart broke as
I cried. Eli wanted to go to Heaven! How did my five year old little boy know of Heaven when I refused to tell him much of Heaven for had I done so, just talking about it, would make Eli dying too much of a reality? I wanted Eli to know of God and Jesus, but I was terrified of Eli dying so I said little to him about Heaven. Somehow Eli knew though, he knew of Heaven and he wanted to go there. Who was I to tell Eli, "We don't always get what we want in life and that he might have to come back to me." Was I selfish to not want to give Eli back to God?