Shawn Wayne Langhans
Paulie Galamb is the hapless hero of this story, no matter if he likes it or not. The unattractive, unassuming divorcee was good at his job as a taste-tester of lab-grown meats - until his body turned against him. All Paulie ever wanted was to live his boring life inside the We-Store storage facility. Now, that dream is tossed out of the window, after a simple dental procedure takes a turn for the weird and he notices a strange growth in his throat. What's even weirder is that the tumor can speak. While Paulie tries to sort out the absurd, cancerous situation, he finds out that the corporation he works for is prepared to go to any lengths to silence him before he reveals their secrets; what those secrets are is unclear to Paulie. Embracing his own mortality, Paulie has to navigate a maze of off-beat neighbors, homeless teenage bullies, evil middle managers and a mysterious man who might or might not be who he claims to be. But can he find his way through and live to tell the tall tale?