Ever wonder what children say to Santa Claus at Christmastime? Or what it would be like to don the Santa suit and portray jolly old St. Nick? Follow this volunteer Santa, author Don Kennedy, as he visits kids for the past 25 years at hospitals, military bases, women's and children's shelters, community centers, school, churches and more. Hundreds of fun, hilarious, laugh-out-loud plus heartwarming, sweet and touching stories. Enjoy the precocious, unfiltered, blunt and funny conversations with these little "characters." Kids truly do say the darndest things! The book, the second in a series of three, won the Silver Award for Humor in the Kops Fetherling International Book Awards, Finalist Award in Non-Fiction in the International Book Excellence Awards and Five Stars from the Readers Favorite book review panel. "You'll laugh, you'll cry and remember the true meaning of Christmas for children," according to award winning author Josh Saule. Ho, Ho, Ho, SANTA TELLS ALL!
George ousted from the drama club is desperate to direct again. The drama club would rather have their nails ripped out-----one by one. Will George get another chance? Lockdown has begun, George's caravan park is empty, his pension shares halved, and Catrina his on/off lover is definitely off. George is at a loss what to do until Catrina's Aunt is whisked off to a nursing home with the visiting rights of a security prison. George sees a chance. He decides to raise money for a covid friendly visiting room with ‘Panto on zoom’; not only will he woe his Catrina but restore his reputation as a director. But when the video turns viral for all the wrong reasons, George has more than a mutiny on his hands. Will he restore his reputation or fall flat on his face? Buy Lockdown today a story that will have you chuckling in your shoes.
A corpse, a cantankerous camel, an entertaining array of suspects, and a yule tide of problems along the way…it must be a Flo and Agnes Christmas! Who would have guessed Agnes would rub Penelope the cranky camel the wrong way? Or that Flo would find herself ankle deep in camel dung while fending off a masked murderer? Or that TC would, once again, get on the wrong side of her handsome detective in an attempt to help her friends? Why…anybody who’s been to Silver Hills before…that’s who!
Thaniya Rasid grew up in the Middle East dreaming of becoming a surgeon. Now living an ordinary life as a mother, wife and a hospital lab tech in Vancouver, Canada, she garners unexpected fame as youTube’s Queen of Hummus when her video demonstrating the recipe goes viral. How could blending chickpeas in a food processor generate so much excitement? And how could her life have ended up so far away from all her expectations? To make sense of the unlikely events that have brought her to this place, Thaniya turns to food, curating memorable eating experiences of her life, searching for clues. Between her childhood aversion to cucumbers, her search for an authentic Iraqi kubeh in the city of Jerusalem, her 10-year tomato wars with her husband Samih, a mood altering encounter with a blood pudding in Edinburgh, and a Kafkaesque nightmare involving a cauliflower, Thaniya unravels repeated patterns occurring in her life. The secrets of love, friendship and destiny hidden in her cauldron of mishmashed cultures begin to reveal themselves. Between lust and disgust there is a thin line. Spoonful Chronicles is the beguiling story of one woman taking hold of her fate by uncovering the clandestine geography of this divide in her heart. You can receive recipes of the food described in the novel by signing up to a mailing list for free. Details inside the book. You can have this book and eat it too.
Bridget Sway is newly dead. And confused. Instead of cloud cars and harp-playing cherubs, the afterlife is working a full-time job that doesn’t pay and a heinous communal living situation with housemates who have no concept of privacy or personal space. As if that wasn’t bad enough, on her first day at work Bridget finds a dead ghost stuffed in her locker. With the afterlife police looking to pin the murder on Bridget, her new best friend and ex-PI, Sabrina, suggests they solve the murder themselves. But with a handsome parole officer watching her every move and the afterlife police dogging her every step, solving the murder is easier than it sounds. If you like sassy heroines who break all the rules, laugh out loud humour and whodunnits that keep you guessing until the very end, then tag along with Bridget Sway on her afterlife adventures.
FINALIST - 2013 Next Generation Indie Book Awards (Humor/Humour) FINALIST - 2013 National Indie Excellence Book Awards (Humor/Humour) Think you've got it bad? You ain't seen nothing yet. Murphy's Law, meet Rodney's Law. If it can go wrong, it has already happened to Rodney Lacroix in the worst, most comedic way humanly possible. And you'll find all of those stories right here, in full-color detail, right in this book. Things Go Wrong For Me (when life hands you lemons, add vodka) is a memoir of sorts, a roadmap of Rodney Lacroix's haywire life thus far. If you think you're having a bad day, this book is a great reminder that it can always get worse. This is typically at Rodney Lacroix's expense, sadly for him. There's no doubt, if you enjoy snorting milk through your nose, and you're drinking milk right now ... you're going to love this book.
There's a prankster in all of us. Whether you're carving evil messages into your coworker's banana peel or telling your kids that, yes, raisins are actually dehydrated people, there's a certain, sinister-yet-fun draw to really messing with people. In Perhaps I’ve Said Too Much (the much anticipated follow-up to the heralded, award-winning Things Go Wrong For Me), Rodney Lacroix gives the reader some insight on what it's like to live the prankster life. No one is safe, including Rodney himself as not all of his antics go entirely as planned. Join him as he spins some yarns, gives you some new ideas and lets you relive the catastrophic consequences of jokes gone terribly wrong. Complete with original hand-drawn artwork and graphics, one-two punch Brain Nuggets, and the ever-popular Draw Something Files, Perhaps will not disappoint.* (Assumes you are an immature child who enjoys potty humor and making fart noises with your armpits.)
“The funniest take on a bestseller since Harvard Lampoon’s Bored of the Rings.” — CNBC on Shaffer’s Fifty Shades parody, Fifty Shames of Earl Grey Jay Z. Catsby throws the sickest parties on the Jersey Shore. His neighbor Dick has heard all the rumors: Catsby killed a man. He’s richer than Blue Ivy. He’s Hugh Jackman’s butt double in the X-Men movies. As Dick soon learns, the truth is far stranger. Catsby is a “furry” who spends his days and nights in a cat costume, pining away for Dick’s cousin Dandelion, a manic-pixie Brooklynite with a brutish husband. Will Catsby’s romantic obsession cost him all nine of his lives?
Fate and idiocy has brought Johnny to Maui. In the final book of the first Johnny Trilogy, Johnny in Maui, working for an international crime organization against his will. Johnny is finally valuable because of his natural born ability to drive. He will have to drive anything and everything in order to save the world. It's too bad for us that he is a complete moron.
When a staunch atheist is introduced to the Lord Almighty in the most casual—and childish—way, it's not the end of the world. It's a Tuesday. Bradley Michaels is just another man ending just another workday at just another job. He can list the usual complaints, can point his finger at the usual causes, and he can go about his routine as if one day is absolutely no different from the next. Until God himself just shows up uninvited and shakes up Bradley's entire existence by flaunting his own. It's not fair, but Bradley never claimed life is. And he tries to handle the new, omniscient presence in his head with calm attention and cool collectedness. But God happens to be a bit of a kid. He likes to joke, to prod, to stir things up. And what God sets his mind to, God succeeds at. Just as Bradley believes he's got life all figured out, God has to throw a wrench into it. But not at all in the way that Bradley—or you—can expect. Just when you think life is going according to plan, you find out your plan sucks. And it's time for a new one.
Enjoy laugh-out-loud stories about your work and family life when you escape into the comedy-adventure world of Fun Stories. Fun Stories books have topped the Amazon Humor chart. This compilation contains stories from all five Fun Stories books, including several stories that have topped the iTunes Comedy Songs chart in their audio versions. No topic is off-limits. You'll be saying, "I can relate!" when you add this heartwarming humor into your day!
Making a sexy deal with the deal-maker... Flying sightseers over California is part of helicopter pilot Lacey Sanders' job. The other part is denying her attraction for hot-bod fellow pilot Adam Swank. A painful experience taught Lacey never to date her co-workers. So regardless of how sizzling the sparks are between her and Adam, she just isn't going there. But when they're teamed up to close a business deal on a private island, Lacey can no longer resist Adam’s steamy kisses. Adam The Deal-Maker has the gift of persuasion. Except when it comes to Lacey. For five years they’ve been dancing around a fiery attraction. Now he has her right where he wants her—in his arms—but can he persuade thrill seeking Lacey to accept his deal and take a chance on an office romance?
Little Lance Pototschnik wanted to grow up and play pro football, but that pipe dream got smoked by his lethargic growth hormones and a terrible skin disorder. The death of his childhood aspirations did, however, plant the seeds for Lance to find comedy in rejection and suffering. In this gaspingly funny collection of stories, Lance’s battle with disease, his overbearing parents, and his maniacal bosses push him toward the startling discovery that the daily grind--which strips the gold off even the best of us--is the very thing that reveals what we are truly made of. This book is for every intellectual slacker whose very soul is straining against the chains of a dead-end job, a disease, or bad culture. Golden Monkey is a hysterical and bittersweet look at the dark moments that define us, and the triumphant aftermath when we get to say, with all our hearts, that we know exactly who the hell we are.
What links a webcam girl, a cross-dressing police chief and an escaped ferret? A British nation torn by Brexit staggers on. Frankie Ferret, a pre-school children’s TV celebrity escapes into sewers of London and surely is dead. The people unite in grief. Police Chiefs, counselors and politicos stand in tear stained sincerity with the common people. Viktor Pinupskin of Russia offers a genetically modified bear cub with his own face as a substitute. Internet bots urge a vote and attempt to sway the masses. Chaos and panic threaten to destroy the economy. Into the mix steps young police inspector Crispin Bissel. His mission is to lead the search and target PR for the cops. His ex girlfriend, Selena Fontesse is a mature ex web cam girl specializing in veggie porn. She has the looks and the bosom to comfort a people broken by sorrow. Could love be re-kindled over an open drain? Could Frankie be alive? Could a billionaire, a hot air balloon, a pop star, and a staring messianic child bring happiness back to a population in despair? And what if the big plans were to fail? What if there were a cover up? A deplorable basket case of a book. All right thinking people should be offended. Cross dressing vegan cannibals will love this story. There’s no safe space on campus when a ferret like Frankie gets into the pipes. A tender love story, an outrageous unfair satire, an expose of the media-cult whirl in which we live where news, fake news and spin are the currencies of coercion. Buy this b ...
Bobert McGee is just a regular guy. Anonymous in his job and his life, Bobert's singular obsession is to make a difference in the world. He wants to be noticed. He wants to be famous. He wants to matter. Bobert's desires come true when he stumbles across a time machine for sale on an Internet shopping page. Scrambling all the savings he has, he buys the machine with the intention of changing history and improving the world for all of mankind. In doing so, Bobert will finally become the man he's always wanted to be. Bobert will become the man who saved the lives of millions. Bobert will be the man who changed history. Bobert will be the man who stopped Hitler. But Bobert is a giant wimp, so he'll need to stop Hitler when it's easy for him to do so. Going back in time to when Hitler was a baby should make this whole thing easier, right?
PLEASE NOTE: Only the first 10 requesters will receive free books. BUT: Amazon has the 4-book AGGIE MUNDEEN series on sale for $8.97 at http://tinyurl.com/AggieMundeen. In DANG NEAR DEAD, Aggie, Detective Sam (traveling incognito) and friend Meredith vacation at a dude ranch, a prickly destination for dudes. Besides wranglers, ex-cons and critters, what could go wrong? When an expert rider flies off a horse, Home on the Range means murder. Chanticleer Award Finalist: Mystery & Mayhem. “Intricate plot with a satisfying ending. Bursts of humor in this novel had me roaring with laughter.” _Diana M. Hockley, reviewer for Australia and NetGalley.
Cute for kids, a bit twisted and funny for adults! A Guppy??
But I wanted a Puppy! Guppy Butter is the darkly humorous tale of a young girl's wish for a puppy, but who ends up getting a Guppy instead.
She tries her best to meet her father's demands that if she can keep a fish alive, she'll be allowed to get a puppy.
Tragedy after humorous tragedy ensues as she endures the taunts of her older brother and does her best to keep her fishies alive!
Complimented by the amazing art of artist Amanda Gielen, this illustrated tale will leave you laughing!
“Danger was part of my job description, but none of my contingency plans anticipated an attack by a Maine Coon.” It’s summer on Whisper Island. Ex-cop-turned-private-investigator Maggie Doyle is looking forward to sun, fun, and romance. Instead, she gets bills, an assault allegation, and a busted wrist. To add insult to injury, there’s a movie being filmed on the island, and Maggie’s diva sister has been cast in it—her debut role. While other residents clamor for parts as extras, Maggie wants nothing to do with the shoot. But when hotshot director Con Ryder asks Maggie to investigate a series of suspicious accidents on the movie set, she can’t afford to refuse. Maggie and her UFO-obsessed assistant, Lenny, go undercover as extras, with Lenny intent on enjoying every second of the experience, and Maggie determined to solve the mystery and leave as quickly as possible. Maggie’s hopes for a quick-fix solution are shot to pieces when the woman who accused her of assault turns up dead.
The 2008 recession hits. The US economy goes belly-up and sentences a young generation to wayward lives. With nothing to lose, Lance Pototschnik and his best friend, Jackson Greenly, decide to go for their artist dreams. Lance begins a grassroots initiative to sell an original screenplay to Hollywood. He lives out of a rental car and travels the country filming strangers' street auditions, hoping to generate enough interest on social media to dragoon a production deal. Jackson goes to art school, where he is inspired to make the perfect painting: one with the power to shoot a person dead. Hollywood Ending is a shotgun-seat view of the awkward, hilarious places dreams can lead us. But this book is so much more than a laugh-out-loud ride beside the author. Pototschnik is a self-aware witness to his own crazy journey, and to the possessory effects dissipated art and media saturation have had on him, and on his dreams. Here, he turns his keen powers of observation on a couple of life’s deepest questions: Why do we think what we think? Why do we want what we want? This is required reading for those who get the ineffable sense that the world is going to hell in a hilarious handbasket.
Interior Decorator Madison Night might look like a throwback to the sixties, but as business owner and landlord, she proves that independent women can have it all. But when a killer targets women dressed in her signature style—estate sale vintage to play up her resemblance to fave actress Doris Day—what makes her unique might make her dead. The local detective connects the new crime to a twenty-year old cold case, and Madison's long-trusted contractor emerges as the leading suspect. As the body count piles up, Madison uncovers a Soviet spy, a campaign to destroy all Doris Day movies, and six minutes of film that will change her life forever.
What happens when a New York City playboy, a Southern spitfire, and a hairless cat walk into a coffee shop? Burnt man-nipples, for starters. Self-made mogul Chase Moore is a charming hound dog with a hairless cat and a family business to save. He was fine being the spare to the heir of the family’s luxury department store empire until the billion-dollar business threatened to go belly-up. Now Chase will need more than his rakish good looks to fight his father for control. Powerhouse marketing guru Campbell King is a hardheaded woman with a chip on her shoulder in the shape of the New York City skyline. After being chewed up and spit out by the city that never sleeps, Campbell returned to Texas and launched her own company. When her phone rings, and the sexy voice on the other end asks her to help save his swanky store in Manhattan, she seizes the chance to redeem herself. When the sexy redhead from Texas with an Elvis obsession runs into her new boss, they both find themselves all shook up. And for the first time in her life, Campbell may need a little less conversation and a whole lot Moore action. **A Little Moore Action is a standalone, first-in-series, full-length contemporary rom-com that will melt your panties as well as your heart.
As a struggling waitress and part-time college student, Rose Strickland’s life is stalled in the slow lane. But when her close friend, Axton, disappears, Rose suddenly finds herself serving up more than hot coffee and flapjacks. Now she’s hashing it out with sexy bad guys and scrambling to find clues in a race to save Axton before his time runs out. With her anime-loving bestie, her septuagenarian boss, and a pair of IT wise men along for the ride, Rose goes from zero to sixty and quickly learns when you’re speeding down the fast lane, it’s easy to crash and burn.
He's running from his past, she's hoping he'll save her future ~~~ Marooned in Baja, Mexico, a Chechen arms dealer is waiting for the right diver to retrieve the deadly cargo on the bottom of the Sea of Cortez. But when the Queen of daytime drama, Leila Hunter Standiford, happens to admire a beautiful vintage Alden and its handsome captain, she doesn't realize that the boat will soon burn to the water line, or that a dead body will be found below, or that the captain has been targeted as a sacrificial diver.
What on earth do a dead tomato plant and a paycheck have in common? Maryann Miller explores the fun and foibles of how to survive parenting a large family, while vainly keeping body and mind intact. From School Daze to Summertime Blues, and everything in between, the book airs the Miller laundry with all the holes and missing buttons. She answers important family questions such as: What's for dinner? Who wrote the dirty words on the wall? Can we really pee in the woods? Do the kids really like the dog better than Mom? Readers of the humor column, from which this books comes, delighted in The Great Lasagna Caper, the fits of tantrum that demolished a telephone, The Lawn Wars, who is and who isn't Socially Acceptable, and the crazy dinnertime conversations. Those readers could relate, as will mothers and father and kids today. Nothing really changes all that much in family dynamics. Just the names are changed to protect the innocent.
Trouble has a way of finding Johnny Tee. That's why after years of consorting with organized crime types, he is set on finding a legitimate job and making a go of it as a functional member of society. He will fail miserably. As a new trilogy begins, Johnny is off to join the world of real estate. It's escrows. It's liens. It's a bunch of other terms he doesn't know and isn't learning. That's okay because Johnny is a born salesmen. But it's also not okay because he's a born idiot.
#1 in THE DEAD RED MYSTERY SERIES Like Janet Evanovich? Sue Grafton? You’ll love this humorous mystery series! Deeply buried and deadly secrets resurface with a drowned Cadillac Her trophy red Caddy has been hijacked and now police ask how an elderly woman, who couldn’t possibly see beyond the hood ornament, is found strapped into the driver’s seat and six feet under water?
A Mother’s Day trip to the Netherlands turns deadly when a guest plummets from a windmill. Was it an accident or a murder? For Lana Hansen, the answer will mean freedom or imprisonment for someone close to her… Wanderlust Tours guide Lana Hansen and her mother, Gillian, haven’t seen eye to eye in over a decade, ever since Lana was wrongly fired from her job as an investigative reporter. So when Lana’s boss invites Gillian to join her upcoming Mother’s Day tour to the Netherlands, Lana is less than pleased. What could be worse than spending ten days with her estranged mother? Lana is about to find out… The tour begins on a high note when the majority of guests bond during their visit to the Keukenhof flower gardens and a cruise around the picturesque canals of Amsterdam. Despite her initial reservations, Lana thinks this might be the best group she had ever led. Until she discovers one of her guests – a recent retiree named Priscilla – is the person who destroyed her career in journalism. All Lana can see is red. But circumstances dictate that she figure out a way to lead the tour, make peace with her mother, and not murder her guest. She doesn’t know whether she can handle the pressure. Lana needn’t worry. Shortly after their fight, Priscilla falls off the balcony of a historic windmill at Zaanse Schans. Was she pushed or simply careless? The investigating officers suspect murder – and topping their suspect list is Lana’s mom! Can Lana save Gillian? Or will her mother end up ...
Hollywood actress Hope Hadley doesn't think that things can get any worse for her. In the last twenty-four hours, her boyfriend has broken up with her and her long-running police procedural TV show has been canceled.
When a homicide detective shows up at her door the next morning with news that her ex-boyfriend has been murdered, she realizes that her troubles are just beginning. She is shocked--not only to learn of her ex's death, but also to find out that the police consider her to be a suspect in the killing.
Hope soon realizes that the only way to clear her name is by finding the real killer herself.
#2 in the Dead Red mystery series What if your beating heart is the reason someone wants you dead? Like Janet Evanovich? Sue Grafton? You’ll love this humorous mystery series! When a troubled, homeless veteran covers her vintage Cadillac with paper snowflakes, Lalla Bains decides a showdown is needed. Unfortunately, she arrives too late for that conversation---he’s lying in a pool of blood, stabbed with his own scissors. But someone is watching, and now a killer has targeted her for murder.
#5 in THE DEAD RED MYSTERY SERIES Like Janet Evanovich? Sue Grafton? You’ll love this humorous mystery series! Your dirt-bag boss is murdered, what a relief, right? Until his killer lets you know a list you don’t have means you’re next. Thinking to jump start their careers as private investigators, Lalla and Pearlie Bains partner with an unscrupulous P.I. But their nifty plan starts circling the drain when he dies in a house explosion and his missing blackmailing list becomes puts the two women in line for murder. Find it and they might get to live. All they need is a miracle or two.
Warning: This book may be a choking hazard if read while eating or drinking. If you’re a fan of Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey, then you’re going to love Amusing Musings. Get ready to enjoy the most hilarious book of the year. This hysterical compilation of profound thoughts and hilarious one liners will make you laugh until you cry. Relish ridiculously "profound" quotes such as these: “I bet a popular joke in the medieval days was to sneak up behind a knight and stick a “kick me” sign on his armor with a magnet.” “I think it would be a good idea if scientists invented a new fruit. It should look like an orange, but, ‘surprise’, it tastes like a watermelon. Also, it screams when you peel it.” “If cats could talk, I bet that when they cleaned themselves they’d never shut up about how good they taste.” If you are a fan of non-sequitur comedy in the style of Mitch Hedburg, Steven Wright, or Saturday Night Live’s Jack Handey, then read this outrageously entertaining book now!
Stowaways in lifeboats? Germans claiming deckchairs? When passengers from many places are together on a cruiseship, there's gotta be fun – through 10 countries, 15 ports, across 17 seas. Readers say: “a very amusing fiction-from-fact traveling journal…sailing through seventeen seas, stopping at exotic ports…we view the cruise through the eyes of a cross section of passengers.” “I have recommended the book both to my friends who cruise as well as people who have never cruised and would like to. This book gives a realistic view of what cruising is like in a fun and fictionalized manner.”
Sometimes you have to play dirty. I’m Paige Harper and I clean up supernatural messes. But my personal life is something I can’t seem to straighten out. I accidentally married a fae, and even though we've been divorced for years, Jax still manages to land me in hot water. Like, putting my house on the table at a high stakes poker game type of hot. Now, he's been arrested for murder and the cops want to pin a series of vampire killings on him. I don't know if he did it or not. But I do know he needs to be at that poker game or else my house is gone. In order to get Jax out, I turn to Nico, a one-eyed werewolf private detective, for help. Nico is a handsome, dangerous, ladies man and I have no intention of falling prey to his charms. Although, that's easier said than done as the two of us begin crawling through the dirty underbelly of the supernatural world… It’s a good thing I brought my broom. Grave New World is the first book in an all new paranormal mystery series filled with laughs and romance!
From the best-selling author of "Perhaps I've Said Too Much" and "Romantic as Hell."
Hilariously frank and hysterically wince-inducing, "The Vasectomy Diaries" is one man's true account of undergoing the harrowing procedure known as "the vasectomy." Rodney takes you along on his journey for sterilization, starting with the moment he makes the life-changing decision, to the snip itself, and all the way to the final reveal on whether or not the damn thing took.
Follow his progress in this day-by-day journal as he discusses and describes in full comedic (and graphic) detail such things as:
- The decision to empty the pistol chamber and shoot blanks...
A lovely American detective's idyllic sail to Mexico ends when she comes face to face with her unfortunate past. But what is unfortunate for Detective Katy Hunter is just the ticket a handsome Latin investigator needs to solve a murder involving a rich, and cartel connected, American yachtsman. The couple's growing attraction wouldn't be so bad, if only they can bring a vicious killer to justice before they become the next victims.
Pomeroy, a towering street musician on parole, is out of the clink for the umpteenth time and wants to become a rock star. With fame and fortune in mind, he heads to Occupy Oakland, hoping to get on television, attract an agent, and score a million dollar contract for Ants in My Pants, his marathon ditty. Pomeroy is a skirmish-loving, dumpster-diving, narcissistic crazy who thinks he can sing like Pavarotti and that all women want to jump his bones. His parole officer, a street-smart Hispanic woman, tells Pomeroy to quit staring at her alligator pumps and get himself a real plan. But Pomeroy has schemes of his own and more wisdom than we'd like to admit. You may find his egocentric opinions politically incorrect. ("There ain't a dyke alive ol' Pomeroy can't turn straight.") You may find yourself laughing when you shouldn't. ("A good strong piss is better 'n sex. Lasts longer too.") But don't blame yourself if you start rooting for this antihero. You'll have lots of company. "Laugh out loud funny yet so insightful, Call Me Pomeroy could easily end up a classic. Read it before everyone else does" - James L. Woolridge, Vine Voice. "It's a fart in the scuba tank of institutional decorum. A bawdy brawling middle finger to the vapidity of modern civilization." - Robert McGuill, author of The Outskirts of Nowhere. "Hanna has created a character in Pomeroy that is destined to work its way into the permanent iconography of contemporary literature. He is everything our id screams and o ...
Love can be quite a trip. Whether it's that first magnetic encounter with a fascinating stranger, the desperate wait for a call that never comes, or even the lies and deceptions of an illicit affair, there's nothing like the power of attraction to have us acting like crazy fools. Many of these twenty funny, twist or thoughtful short tales by bestselling novelist Ellie Campbell (aka sisters Pam Burks and Lorraine Campbell), were first published internationally in top women's magazines like That's Life, Bella, Take a Break, Woman, Woman's Own and Chat. So grab a glass of wine, fasten your seatbelt and get ready for a bumpy ride along the rocky road to romance. It may be turbulent but it's still a whole lot of fun!
A brand new female vicar. An accident-prone nun. Two friends. Two killings. Annabelle and Mary are best friends. But when one gets framed for murder, can the other one save her? Assigned to St. Clement's Church in an inner-city borough just outside Hackney in London, Reverend Annabelle Dixon brings an enthusiasm and drive to her clerical position that baffles her mentor, Father John, but which soon gains her fans and admiration. Annabelle is not your typical vicar, but her strengths prove to serve her, and those around her, very well. When Annabelle plans to meet her longtime friend, Sister Mary, a Catholic nun visiting from West Africa, at a local café, little does she know that she will soon find herself embroiled in a mystery of deadly design. Their meeting place is awash with horror, with Sister Mary standing in the middle, shaking, her hand over her mouth and a dead woman at her feet. Armed only with a note, a disappearing dart, vague hints, and a love of cake, this quick-thinking, quick-footed holy woman must gather the clues, pacify a detective, and find the real perpetrator before both she and her friend wind up in jail. Part Sherlock, part Father Dowling, Annabelle is a new kind of detective – one who sees the truth in the most unlikely places. If you love solving puzzles, then this suspense-filled, endearing, cozy mystery is just for you. Enjoy following our amateur sleuth as she careers around London. It will have you guessing until the very end!
Doesn’t everybody want their five seconds of fame? Daniel North, survivor of a gay pub bombing, wants to share his forgotten story with the world, but he’ll have to settle for millions of viewers in the 18-35 demographic. Complex Neighbours is the latest ratings smash from billionaire media tycoon, Felix Moldoon. Think Big Brother meets the Hunger Games! To win the one-million-pound prize, contestants must compete in challenges that range from legal waterboarding to inducing projectile vomiting, or a showbiz quiz when it’s a low budget week. Felix will do anything to ensure high viewing figures, even if that involves murder. As well as controlling the media, he also controls the edit. It is for him to determine who will be crowned the winner, and who will be “executed” from the show, with their lives destroyed forever. Can Daniel resist the temptation of a younger man to achieve his goal? Will Felix sacrifice his own son for the sake of TV ratings? And just how far is the ultimate Reality TV villain willing to go for the grand prize?
A provocative and humorous novel about four years in the life of an intrepid young medical student, set in the grueling world of an elite NYC medical school. “…the best fictional portrayal of med school since ER.” – BlueInk Review, starred review 2017 International Book Awards Bronze Medal Winner in Fiction - Humor/Comedy (Readers' Favorite) and INDIES Book of the Year Finalist Medical student Seth Levine faces escalating stress and gallows humor as he struggles with the collapse of his romantic relationships and all preconceived notions of what it means to be a doctor. It doesn’t take long before he realizes not getting frazzled is the least of his problems. Seth encounters a student so arrogant he boasts that he’ll eat any cadaver part he can’t name, an instructor so dedicated she tests the student’s ability to perform a gynecological exam on herself, and a woman so captivating that Seth will do whatever it takes to make her laugh, including regaling her with a story about a diagnostic squabble over an erection. Didn’t Get Frazzled captures with distressing accuracy the gauntlet idealistic college grads must face to secure an MD and, against the odds, come out of it a better human being.
This suburbanite is about to meet a dashing spy… Isabel “Stan” Stanley is stuck in a rut in the DC suburbs. As a wannabe romance writer, she hopes a sexy muse falls into her lap. But she never expected a handsome spy to dive through her sunroof… Pursued by a hail of bullets, international CIA Agent Kelvin Kapone didn’t have plans to make a friend. But when his latest mission puts him in the bewildering burbs, the charming Stan is a surprisingly strong guide. As he discovers a chilling terrorist plot, Kelvin doesn’t want to admit that he may just need the suburbanite’s help… Despite her best efforts, Stan can’t break free from the dangerous mission. And while being in close quarters with a sexy spy is getting her great material for her novel, it won’t do her much good if they both end up dead… The Spy Who Kissed Me is a suspenseful comedic romance novel. If you like high-stakes action, laugh-out-loud scenes, and stories where opposites attract, then you’ll love Pauline Baird Jones’ award-winning tale of espionage. Buy The Spy Who Kissed Me to pucker up for a fun, flirty escape today!
If you can't stand the pressure... ask your mother to stop pointing the gun at your head. Steven is a writer, by all accounts of self-proclamation. But no artist can be expected to work under serious pressure, especially not when the pressure consists of his own mother indenting his tender skull with the muzzle of the pistol held in her hand. Suddenly, it's write or die for Steven. He better tap away on that typewriter or expect to be extracted from the land of the living before he's had the opportunity to finish anything he's ever written. Not to mention that his recently departed Father lying on the floor beside him should supply enough motivation. When Steven manages to frustrate his murderous mother to no end, his wish made under duress actually comes true. Mother's vanished... along with all evidence of the foregoing incident ever having taken place. Is his beloved father really dead? Is his own mother now a criminal on the run? Can he truly never cure his lifetime disease of writer's block? Only one person can uncover the truth and set the world to rights again. That would be Tim, Steven's much more successful, though younger, brother. If only Tim would actually believe Steven's retelling of the frightful situation he's just managed to survive. Someone's got to fix the latest family faux pas. And everyone in the family knows it can't be Steven. In the dead of night, two brothers battle sibling rivalry, serious mother issues, one heinous surprise after another, and a lif ...
WARNING to prospective readers as to this title’s potentially shocking and disturbing (read: X-RATED!!!) graphic and literary content: A reviewer at LITERARY TITAN, though giving this book a five-star rating, finalized his review with the caveat: “To the intrigued reader, beware, this book is quite a dirty sex crazed romp. Conservatives better brace themselves, keep a bible handy, and an open mind because you will hate how much you enjoy the erotic quality of this book … The erotica may be a little strong for some but if read with an open and relaxed mind, this is a very enjoyable and entertaining ride.”
This musically and graphically enriched chamber novel is an over-the-top black and blue comic extravaganza about the conspiratorial undoing of a teenage entitlement princess. The story throbs throughout with an undercurrent of apocalyptic motifs related to the extinction of art, fall of empire, and coming of the Antichrist. It is an epic farce that reads like an erotically supercharged psychological suspense thriller. The narrative takes the reader/audient on a veritable boomerang roller-coaster ride (with multiple inversions) through a reputational strip-and-whiptease of the novel’s malignantly artful (albeit ingenuously doe-eyed) protagonist: a wealthy young heiress and socialite who boasts an exclusive claim to her progenitors ...
Johnny Books 1-3 make up The Organized Crime Trilogy. Johnny Tee is a wandering vagabond with a troubled past and an even bleaker future. His decision to go the straight and narrow goes haywire when he gets mixed up in the city's dirty underbelly. Coming out on top is going to be tougher than he thinks due to the fact that he is both a magnet for trouble and a complete moron. It's going to take the power of some unwilling friends and some unrequited love to save the day.
Ex-cop-turned-P.I. Maggie Doyle is stuck chaperoning a group of bratty summer camp kids to an archaeological dig on Whisper Island. After a day of fart jokes, fidget spinners, and fist fights, Maggie's regretting volunteering—and then one of her feral charges discovers a skeleton. At first it looks like a cold case, but the situation takes a sinister turn when a member of the excavation team winds up dead. Maggie is determined to get to the bottom of the mystery before more bodies stack up. With her police officer boyfriend on vacation, his nitwitted fellow officer is what passes for law and order on the island. Now if only she can dodge the bumbling Sergeant O’Shea…
Organized accountant Zoey Allen likes her life neat and tidy. But it goes from managed to messy when a dead body ends up in her apartment on an ordinary Tuesday night. After uncovering a money-laundering scheme in a routine audit at her company, Zoey finds herself the target in a murderous plot that doesn't quite add up. Good thing she has Mac--a handsome police officer--and the Page Turners book club to help her solve the case. Officer 'Mac' McCarthy came back to Pleasant Valley to get away from murder and corruption. The last thing he needs is to be tied up in a case of attempted murder with the beautiful blonde bookkeeper that he can't get out of his mind. She's looking for him to protect her, and that's the one thing he doesn't think he can do. Mac and Zoey find themselves in a dangerous adventure full of lies, betrayal, and murder that takes them from the underbelly of the legalized marijuana business to a secluded cabin in the mountains. As she finds herself falling in love, is she really falling into a trap? Is Mac the man she thinks he is? Zoey must learn to let go of her ordered life and risk it all because murder can be a crime of passion, and falling in love is about to get messy. The Page Turners prevail in this newest mystery with their amateur sleuthing and undercover missions and...as always...delicious desserts.
Knowing you're dying can be murder. When Gage Adder finds out he has inoperable pancreatic cancer, things really start to look up for him. He leaves his soul-crushing job, joins a nice terminal illness support group, and takes up an exciting new hobby: Serial killing.
Johnny continues his quest to find a spot in the working world and thinks he has finally found the solution: clientele who are in cages and verbally refuse his service. But when Johnny is given more responsibility than he should have, the animals, the customers, and the entire city are in for trouble.
At times funny, at times frightening--a fast-paced thriller... When Sheriff Jeff McQuede's friend, Barry Dawson, tricks him into attending a Bigfoot convention at the small town of Trails' End, he finds the adventure is only beginning. He is soon invited by the head of the research team, Dr. Adam Kurtz, to hike with them into the isolated mountains below Lost Man's Peak where few people ever venture. McQuede immediately notices friction among the members of the team--love triangles, resentment, and greed. Professor Callahan has obtained special funding for the project because of his claim to have encountered Bigfoot in this area, and Dr. Kurtz intends to call him out for being a fraud. The first night out trouble erupts. Ted Weiss insists that he spotted Bigfoot near his camp and tells them he was almost attacked. Is Bigfoot really out there, or is someone perpetuating a carefully-planned hoax? When murder follows, McQuede must solve the biggest case in his career!
#3 in THE DEAD RED MYSTERY SERIES "Janet Evanovich meets aero-ag pilots." The Kindle Book Review What if quitting your boring job put you in line for murder? Her beloved great aunt wants to bar-b-que dad's side-kick, Bruce the goat, and her man-hungry cousin has her sights set on her number one pilot. What else could possibly go wrong? Oh yeah, her new pilot is really a CPA hiding from a vicious Las Vegas hitman.
"Never have disgusting, miserable living conditions been so funny. When someone finally finds a way to send back a report from hell, I hope it will be Lance Pototschnik. Except this guy is going to heaven, for the way he writes." --The Kindle Book Review “Welcome to beautiful Costa Rica! Come and experience our diverse wildlife. Exhume nests of dead baby turtles and stay up all night while mosquitoes elicit blood from your very soul! Indulge in the local cuisine. Eat rice and beans until the malnutrition engenders hallucinations! Travel west to Guanacaste, to the peninsula that pokes into the Pacific like a fang. Visit the remote, cocoa-dust beaches where rare sea turtles crawl from the seething ocean to nest. Here, masochists will enjoy camping beside the water to leave civilization and all its conveniences behind. Burn bucketfuls of used toilet paper, shiver in an infested bed, and wade crocodile-filled rivers...every single day!” Lance Pototschnik and his friends must have booked their trip with that agency. Their incredibly affordable “vacation” was meant to be a relaxing time to meditate on the direction of their languid, aimless lives. Instead, they are introduced to hell and the insane diversity of its tortures. Marooned on a remote sea turtle conservancy with a handful of fellow unanchored souls, Pototschnik, in his hilarious debut memoir, ponders who he essentially is, and what he is likely to become. In Pototschnik, those who have fallen prey to the desolation of br ...
”Your dreams and crushed, goodbye!” Daniel North is forced back into the world of Reality TV when one of his former competitors is murdered. Now considered a “celebrity” Daniel must battle against an old adversary and face the music – literally! Celebrity Tone Death sees a bunch of Z-listers take a final shot at glory, all under the guise of winning a one-million-pound donation to their chosen charity. For the winner, a chance to make it as a popstar. For the losers, a ban on singing, shattered dreams, and a one-way ticket back to oblivion. Felix Moldoon is back to manipulate the public into voting for his choice of winner, with the help of his celebrity judges. A Scottish-American lesbian music mogul, a pop heartthrob with a not-so-secret drug problem, and a disco diva drag queen who hides a secret, which could lead to the ultimate celebrity downfall – getting cancelled! Can Felix get his “chosen one” over the finish line without murdering anyone else? Will Daniel be able to make his best friend’s dream come true? And who will he ultimately choose – his twink boyfriend, or his hot daddy ex?
It's a day just like any other day... until something utterly unfamiliar suddenly lands in your back yard. Susan is the epitome of the happy housewife, contentedly conducting her daily ritual of cleaning her home and keeping everything just as it should be. Wrapped up in her own little world within those familiar walls, she hardly notices the altogether different arrival in her own back yard. She may ignore the sudden shaking beneath her slippered feet, she might even neglect to spot the conspicuous sight itself—but she can't evade the stench. Something's wrong. Very wrong. And Susan's incapable of determining just what to do about the uninvited eyesore in her back yard. Turning to her best friend for help with the impromptu emergency threatening to shake up her very existence and happy home, Susan combines efforts with neighbor Trisha to decipher the composition and meaning of the frightfully large and utterly unpleasant new arrival. But are these two women really capable of realizing the gift of new awareness they've just been given by an unseen entity? Or will they continue to fail to see the world that exists out there? What a difference a day makes... unless you choose to ignore it.
High school senior Santana Harris' parents want her to go to college, to prepare for her future, or---at the very least---to get a job so that she can figure out what life after high school will look like. Santana doesn't want any of that. Convinced that her art will allow her to win a scholarship to a prestigious school, she’s content to coast through her final year. Her parents give her an ultimatum: if she doesn’t win the scholarship, she'll have to find a part-time job. Then Santana and her friend spot a cat in a tree. After she saves it, a strange boy shows up to offer her a job. The kind of job that would allow her to work after school and set her own hours. The only catch? Her new boss thinks he’s a superhero, and he wants Santana to be his new sidekick.
“You’ve been cancelled!” Daniel North, now the most famous man in Britain, is navigating the fickle world of celebrity. It’s a daily battle as he opens his DMs – is it another unsolicited nude, or a request for him to kill himself? There’s no grey area with the Reality TV fandom, and he’s reluctantly heading back into the Thunderdome, this time as a judge. Social Media Superstar sees a group of influencers compete for a one-million-pound prize. There’s a fitness fanatic, FX trader, political activist, porn star, drag queen, vegan, and some other filler to make up the numbers, battling it out for the title of Ultimate Influencer. For the losers, it’s a one-way ticket to cancellation, and the loss of the only thing that’s ever mattered to them – their blue tick! Felix Moldoon, the billionaire media tycoon, quickly decides on who will win, and the “editing” process begins. Throwing a bunch of social media nobodies to the online trolls is just the warm up for Felix’s ultimate goal – the cancellation of Daniel North. Felix will do anything to get what he wants, and someone will pay the ultimate price for standing in his way. Can the cancel brigade convince the world that Daniel is a serial killer? With three men on offer, who will win Daniel’s heart in the end? And will Daniel finally get the answers he’s been searching for when he comes face-to-face with Felix in a final bloody confrontation?
He'd never guess that his very courage to commit could be the cause of his own downfall. Jake's loved and lost, suffered failed relationships and felt real sorrow, but the new girl in his life may just be the one to finally put an end to that life. His girlfriend Samantha is sweet and kind, full of joy, and the kind of girl Jake can be perfectly content sitting in complete silence with. It's so comfortable, so easy, to fall completely for her. In fact, Jake would do anything for Samantha, anything at all. Just returned from attending Samantha's family reunion, Jake's high as a kite, basking in the realization that he's been officially accepted as one of the family. He can't believe his luck, especially as he's driving off into the sunset with Samantha herself and so looking forward to those precious, anticipated moments alone with her. What could possibly go wrong? Thump thump resonates from the trunk of the car as they speed along the highway together. Thump thump. He falls head over heels for her... but not exactly in the way he intended.
When TJ, a fat neckbeard small time youtuber living with his mom met a strange girl in his one note town, he thought his luck was changing. What he didn’t know, on her heels, a deepweb gameshow bent on bringing his hick mountain town to its knees, just for sport.
Unleashing flesh hungry zombies, feral survivors and monstrous abortions of science onto his once peaceful town. TJ is forced to embrace his own fantasy and play a sick game for a hungry internet audience, get the girl, kill the bad guys and save what remains of his burning town or failing that just himself, his mother and his collection anime figures.
Southlea Bay's favorite sweethearts, Flora and Dan, are getting married and the members of the Rejected Writers' Book Club are excited to help. Especially the group's head honcho, Doris Newberry, who, much to Flora’s frustration, wants to control every detail, attempting to strong-arm Flora into accepting ridiculous wedding vows, wayward bongo players and into wearing a huge, old-fashioned wedding dress. But when a new resident arrives in town with information about Flora's past that threatens her chance of happiness, the overwhelmed bride-to-be disappears overnight. To find her, The Rejected Writers set off on yet another zany road trip adventure, this time to a make-believe Bavarian town. Where they meet lederhosen-clad, young men, are entertained by oompah bands, go on wild sleigh rides, and sing in a yodelling competition. But when they eventually find the bride and the bridegroom learns the truth about her, will he still want to marry her or will all the wedding plans be in vain
“Eclectic, eccentric, and original. Fast-paced. Absurd. Whimsical.” ─ Suidae Gazette
“Cheeky, original, and witty. Wickedly fun!” ─ Bacon Daily News
“Politically incorrect. Genius!” ─ Young Hogs
Whimsical and light-hearted, The Swines is the curious anecdotes of Sam, a twelve-year-old boy from a family of pigs. His mom is an English sow, a British Lop of very high breeding. His dad is a boisterous warthog, the pedigree, no one is quite sure. Sam’s parents are swine, but somehow he’s perfectly normal.
Sam and his family live in a medium sized town named Suidae Valley somewhere in the center of California. His mom enjoys gardening and mud baths. His dad is a booming, retired plumber. He’s a little rough around the edges. The family is piggly, but they fit right in with everyone in town who call themselves Suids.
Told in unique episodic format, Sam is a precocious kid with a talent for imagination, observation, and occasionally, even curious profundity. The narrative is eccentric, novel, and original, ranging from the orthodox to stream of consciousness and reverse chronology.
The Swines ─ Anecdotes Of A Piggly Family, is at times thoughtful, at times absurd, but most of the time fun, as the author takes readers on a journey into the unconventional world at the intersection of humans, pigs, and boy.
Praise for The Swines:
• “Irre ...
Ever since Scharlette’s parents gave her a name no one can really pronounce, she’s been stuck in a bit of a rut. She hates her job in airport security, making people take their belts off before they fly to exotic locations she can only dream about. She owns a small apartment with large repayments, drinks bargain bin red while she watches Star Trek, and misses her little sister, lost to an exploding sandwich press ten years ago. Scharlette fears she might live out her entire existence without doing anything or mattering to anyone. It still comes as quite a surprise when a handsome time traveller named Tomothy appears out of nowhere and verifies she is correct – that, according to his records, she doesn’t matter at all. Scharlette isn’t sure this news is as wonderful as Tomothy seems to think but, as he explains, since her life was to have no impact on the timeline whatsoever, Scharlette is free to travel time and space, and have amazing adventures with heedless abandon. “The book is charming and riotously funny. The most enjoyable aspect of the story is its unpredictability.” – Aurealis Magazine “It’s hard to describe why this book is good without spoiling a single part of it.” – Two Doctors Media Collaborative
Paris – the city of love, lights… and murder? Join tour guide Lana Hansen as she escorts five couples on an unforgettable Valentine-themed vacation to France! Unfortunately it will be the last trip for one passenger… Lana Hansen’s future is looking bright. She has money in her bank account, a babysitter for her cat Seymour, and is even dating again. Regrettably she won’t get to celebrate Valentine’s with her new beau Chad. Instead, she will be leading a ‘lovers only’ tour in France. Lucky for Lana, her best friend Willow and her partner will be joining her. Things go downhill when Lana’s new boyfriend shows up in Paris for her tour–with his wife. Chad is not the website developer he claimed to be, but a famous food critic whose love of women rivals his passion for eating. After Chad drops dead during a picnic under the Eiffel Tower, a persistent French detective becomes convinced that he was poisoned. And the inspector’s sights are set on several members of the tour– including Lana! While escorting her group through the cobblestoned streets of Montmartre, the grand gardens of Versailles, and the magnificent galleries of the Louvre, Lana must figure out who really killed Chad before she has to say bonjour to prison and adieu to her freedom. Introducing Lana Hansen, tour guide, reluctant amateur sleuth, and star of the Travel Can Be Murder Cozy Mystery Series. Join Lana as she leads tourists and readers to fascinating cities around the globe on intriguing adventures that, unfor ...
In this lighthearted memoir of adventure and self-discovery, Rich Israel takes us on his journey during the tumultuous 1960s. Eschewing societal norms, he hitchhikes across the country, tries his hand at mining, works at a circus, and rides a horse hundreds of miles through the Rocky Mountain wilderness—all the while, the draft and the Vietnam War are nipping at his heels. Written in vivid detail, this coming-of-age story is filled with humor, insight, heartbreak, and triumph, along with unforgettable, quirky characters.
This tale of Agnes Anne O’Neil, a 28 year-old virgin who struggles to leave home, will both captivate and tickle your funny bone. You’ll meet her wacky Irish Catholic family, her favorite saints and pet snail, and the evil that pursues her. You’ll chuckle when she introduces her Jewish boyfriend to her parents and worry when her brother-in-law, obsessed with her virginity, won’t leave her alone. Can she escape both her clinging family and her brother-in-law’s lecherous advances?
From Book 1:Librarian Janet Johnson is puzzled when she is invitedand practically draggedto her first meeting of the Rejected Writers Book Club. This quirky group of women would much rather celebrate one anothers rejected manuscripts over cups of tea and slices of lemon cake than actually publish a book. But good friends are exactly what Janet needs after moving to the small town of Southlea Bay, Washington. Just as the ladies are about to raise a teacup to their five hundredth rejection letter, they receive bad news that could destroy one members reputationand disband the group forever. To save the club, Janet joins her fellow writers on a wild road trip to San Francisco in search of the local publisher who holds the key to a long-buried secret. As they race to the finish line, theyll face their fearslandslides, haunted houses, handsome strangers, ungrateful childrenand have the time of their lives.
Writer, Beth, visits the same café every afternoon, enjoying her latte and a chocolate truffle while scribbling in her notebook. The delicious treats keep her coming back day after day, not to mention the inspiration she finds there – Samuel. The barista is tall, dark and delicious, and his stare could melt chocolate from a hundred paces.
Since her divorce, Beth’s love life has been close to extinct, but the sight of Samuel, his dark, brooding good looks and amazing dragon tattoo, kick it into overdrive. A smouldering volcano waiting to erupt in flames of passion. But Beth knows it’s unlikely he’d go for her, an older woman, when he could have anyone.
Over the course of a week, the tension between them rises almost to boiling point. When Beth’s friend lets it slip that Beth fancies Samuel, in fact she has a mega crush on him, their customer/barista relationship is tested…but could it be more than one-sided? Is Samuel writing the blackboard poems especially for Beth? Could he be watching and wanting her too?
Note: Chocolate Truffle Kiss is a novelette of approximately 9500 words. This edition also contains an excerpt of Cassandra O'Leary's debut novel, Girl on a Plane.
This faceless corporate worker bee has had enough...and there's murder on her mind... After years of climbing the corporate ladder to achieve her ultimate goal---elite C-suite status---Adrian Banner has finally made it to the top of the morally corrupt mega-corporation she works for. Or so she thinks. Promised heir apparent to her C-Suite manager, Adrian is poised to make the final leap when her manager dies unexpectedly in a bizarre accident. When Adrian learns that shes not next up in the succession plan, she takes matters into her own hands, beginning a series of comical murders of well-deserved, odious victims who stand in the way of her ultimate goal. Death by Corporate America is a darkly comedic look at the seedy underworkings of a corporate world and one woman whos trapped within it.
When it’s your 10th year of fundraising for charity it’s hard to find a new idea. The women come up with a scheme to benefit the local hospice but it goes way past their comfort zone. Can they, should they, go ahead? Then there’s the matter of the Board of Trustees – men who are bound to oppose the women on anything that steps out of the domestic sphere. A humorous story for readers of women’s and contemporary fiction.
FINALIST - 2016 IAN Book of the Year Awards From the bestselling author of Things Go Wrong for Me and Perhaps I've Said Too Much... In this hilarious, heartfelt and surprisingly useful book, bestselling humor author and comedian Rodney Lacroix opens up about his failed romantic endeavors and - more importantly - how you can avoid the same hysterically bad (and sometimes wince-inducing/dry-heave generating) mistakes. Let's face it. Everyone can use a little help in the dating and love departments. It just so happens that sometimes such help comes in the form of a hysterical book that has a cover showing a teddy bear riddled with arrows and the word "Hell" in the title. Written in Rodney's trademarked comedic style, Romantic As Hell gives some great relationship advice like: - Why shouldn't I give a feral cat as a token of my affection? - Why you're not fooling anyone with that "free back massage any time" coupon. - Which "romantic getaways" should you avoid, and which one may result in having your own shoes thrown at you? - Why doesn't my man wear his Pinocchio thong? - How can we keep the spark alive while parenting in a house with four children who are all busy annoying the crap out of us? Each hilarious story is punctuated with amazing illustrations that transform the book into a highly entertaining feast for the eyes, as well. Forming a relationship is hard. Keeping a relationship is harder. But adding romance into that relationship? Well, that can be a real bitch, can't i ...
A life for a life. That’s the deal I made with my father to save my best friend from the poisonous magic about to kill him.
With Davian Grymes brought to justice, I thought the memory-warping torture caused by Bliss would finally end. Unlucky for me, this disturbing nightmare is only just beginning. I'm tangled up in a whole new mess of problems, and if I don't do something about it soon, people will pay with their lives.
My father is convinced a teenager named Colton Meyers has the power to destroy my family and take down NightFly Technologies. My payment for Ryker's life is to go against everything I believe in to make sure that never happens. Unfortunately, killing seemingly innocent kids isn't a skill I want to add to my list. I won't sit back and watch as others attempt to finish the job for me, either. What exactly is so special about Colton's magic that my lunatic father feels so threatened by it? I know he's planning something in that twisted mind of his, and I need act fast before the chaos ends in bloodshed. Now it's my life on the line as I risk everything to save the boy from certain death. No one enjoys dealing with family drama, but this is taking things to the extreme.
March lst is Mardi Gras in New Orleans....and free today, is RESCUED BY A KISS. All the fun of Mardi Gras—without the hangover! A Mardi Gras kiss launches a manhunt to find a victim shot with the help of some quirky characters in a city that knows how to have a good time. One kiss and her world turns upside down... Can she solve the case that threatens his life? Brandy Alexander never thought living in the Big Easy could feel so dull. And as she waits painfully for her long-time cop boyfriend to propose, she’s not sure their hearts are beating to the same tune. Then, she did what lots of young women do at parades, and that is to exchange a kiss from a tuxedoed man in a walking club for a flower ... But, she kissed a handsome stranger that summoned her into the street and electric thrills turn to shock when he’s shot right before her eyes. His gasping request haunts her as she watches in horror as he's whisked away by an ambulance. Brandy races to track down the mysterious person with only his words asked of her... The clues take her from Bourbon Street’s bright lights into a dark den of corruption. She’ll have to put everything on the line to prevent her charming man from eating another bullet. Can Brandy survive her city’s greedy criminals and save this charismatic man she feels a romantic connection with? Rescued by a Kiss is the first exhilarating story in 9 book mystery series, The New Orleans Go Cup Chronicles. If you like authentic settings, jazzy characters, and whip-s ...
A lifeless hand rises ghost-like from a car mechanic's pit. Who does it belong to? And what happened? Annabelle and DI Nicholls set out to solve the murder, but find themselves wrapped up in not one, but three different mysteries. A puppy helps, too.
"OMG, if ever a book deserved more than 5 stars it’s this cracker. Outstanding, laugh out loud, panty melting goodness all wrapped up in one heartfelt package!"
"Romans having sex again is an hilarious romance of the best kind , witty, sharp and unexpectedly sweet all wrapped up in a very delicious book."
"Absolutely loved this book. Had just the right amount of funny mixed with sexy"
"My life is shite, and more boring than an iced finger – it’s basically bread for goodness sake; where’s the cream? To top it all off, my boss, Roman ‘The Ego’ Hepburn, hates me."
Summer James has suffered a devastating change to her life, one that could shape her future. To make matters worse, she now has a new boss. Not such a major problem, you might think, but not when that boss is Roman Hepburn: rude, grouchy and impatient, with a damn fine ass!
Summer’s feelings for the dark, brooding Roman soon change and it becomes evident that some highly-charged sexual tension has been bubbling under the surface when Roman makes it clear that he intends to make Summer his.
Will Roman succeed in getting his girl, and, if he does, will he succeed in keeping her? Or will circumstances, and Roman's hilariously strange, but loveable, family, send Summer tottering for the hills on her six-inch heels?
This is a sexy, fun romance filled with l ...
A boy-band heart throb. A violent kidnap. A female cop’s daring rescue. A spark to fire the passion of love.
When Sergeant Sophia Castellana stumbles into an international terrorist attack, things are not as they seem. Global forces beyond her grasp sweep her up into an audacious scheme to re-unite a world in chaos Superstar Charles Gonin wants his rescuer Sophia by his side, as his bodyguard… and more!
He has a valuable secret that makes him a target for those in control. Power and celebrity beckon. Betrayal and violence threaten every move as events unfold in the city of Paris. The adoration of this far younger man and the infatuation of a charismatic French woman seduce her into a blur of inappropriate love and infinite danger. Her brute courage and loving woman's heart confront ruthless enemies who offer no second chances.
She knows the streets, she knows her power as a lover but can a cougar relationship ever work? Can she, dare she seize the prizes before her? Will a world offer her the choice?
“Steamy Emma Calin holds nothing back to bring you her juicy mix of cops, crime, and passion, with a large side-order of French satire sauce.”
Seduction of Crowns, another stand-alone Seduction Series suspense romance novel. If you enjoy James Patterson, Catherine Coulter, Nora Roberts, Kendra Elliot and Allessandro Torre you'll love a series that combines all of their best traits in fast-paced, pulse ...
With finances and marriage strained to the breaking point, Rose and Henry Ball dream of new lives filled with romance and adventure. Then Fortune takes a hand. Against all odds, the couple win a record Powerball lottery. The sudden windfall is the answer to all their prayers. Or not...
Helpless to resist the siren's song, the Balls leap feet first into the intoxicating world of the super-rich. Henry drifts into treacherous waters on a mad Russian oligarch's yacht, while Rose throws caution to the wind and rushes headlong into the arms of a beautiful, dangerous ...
Another outrageous full-length comedy satire novel from Oscar Sparrow.
Oscar Sparrow is a sewage trucker and poet. This is his true story. Pursued by a literary stalker, crippled by lack of dietary fibre, sometimes naked and soaked in foul waste he never loses sight of his vision. Even from his police cell he sees only the blue sky. Driven on by his reckless love of women he becomes a best-selling female romantic novelist. If you’ve ever despaired, fallen in love, or sat on a toilet, this book will change your perception of reality. Through failure, rejection and self-doubt a man fights his way off the bottom. A love story conceived over an open manhole and delivered by Elvis. An inspirational account of our common struggles. Take his grubby hand and for the rest of your life a comrade walks with you through every set-back and brings you through as a winner. The self-help book the bosses don’t want you to read.
‘My Life in Ladies’ Knickers’ is as British as a Friday night kebab and a pub fight. O ...
Reckless Traveler: an autobiographical novel of adventuring in South America, sure to delight anyone with a passport. Perú and beyond: Through the alchemy of travel, youthful folly may bring disaster or wisdom . . . and more. The instructional travel guide for aspiring backpackers: learn how to bribe police, avoid malaria, and find employment abroad -- and what to do (and not to do) when armed mercenaries detain your charter bus. Awaken your inner explorer with Walter Rhein's Reckless Traveler, expat tales from a decade of discovery.
NASA astronaut Julie Starr knows nothing is earned without blood, sweat, and frizzy hair. Recently returned from orbit, Jules is on her way to becoming the youngest Flight Commander ever. So she isn't about to let a creepy stalker derail her goals. Or a chivalrous, wealthy rancher either, for that matter. Holt West doesn't mess with flirts. And that's exactly what Jules is. He has enough on his plate, working the ranch he inherited from his grandfather while making sure his siblings follow their dreams. He doesn't need to be distracted from his responsibilities by the smart-mouthed, long-legged astronaut clad in leather pants and biker boots. But when Holt's brother and Jules' best friend decide to get married, they're thrown together as best man and maid of honor. Jules takes the opportunity to hide out from her stalker at the West Ranch under the guise of planning the barnyard wedding of a lifetime. She might not know the difference between tulle and toile, but she’s an astronaut for god's sake. How hard could it be? Between Jules vying for a record-breaking promotion while outmaneuvering a stalker and Holt fighting a losing battle with his heart, can the two of them get it together long enough to say yes to the ride of their lives? Or is this mission a no-go?
HETTA COFFEY IS A SASSY TEXAN WITH A SNAZZY YACHT, AND SHE'S NOT AFRAID TO USE IT! Just Add Water, winner of the National EPPIE Award for BEST MYSTERY. Hetta Coffey is a globe-trotting civil engineer with a swath of failed multi-national affairs in her jet stream. Plying the San Francisco waterfront, trolling for triceps, her attention is snagged by a parade of passing yachts—especially their predominantly male skippers—and experiences a champagne-induced epiphany: If she had a boat, she could get a man. In spite of a spectacular ignorance of all things nautical, Hetta buys her dream boat, but a shadowy stalker, an inconvenient body, and Hetta’s own self-destructive foibles imperil her goal. Hetta Coffey brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “sink or swim!”
Librarian Janet Johnson is puzzled when she is invited—and practically dragged—to her first meeting of the Rejected Writers’ Book Club. This quirky group of women would much rather celebrate one another’s rejected manuscripts over cups of tea and slices of lemon cake than actually publish a book. But good friends are exactly what Janet needs after moving to the small town of Southlea Bay, Washington. Just as the ladies are about to raise a teacup to their five hundredth rejection letter, they receive bad news that could destroy one member’s reputation—and disband the group forever. To save the club, Janet joins her fellow writers on a wild road trip to San Francisco in search of the local publisher who holds the key to a long-buried secret. As they race to the finish line, they’ll face their fears—landslides, haunted houses, handsome strangers, ungrateful children—and have the time of their lives.
In Fairyland 200 years after the 'happy ending' Cinderella is plotting to divorce Charming. The other royal families aren't happy either. Sleeping Beauty is making up for all that lost time by producing 28 children her husband can't afford. Snow White, the perfect lady is married to a king who beds every wench in the kingdom. The Grand Annual Ball is approaching to marry off the next generation, but there is a scarcity of princes. Into all this chaos arrives the Green Giant sent by the Red Party to ferment revolution among the happy peasants. The stage is set for disaster.
Weekends are hell.
If you do them right.
That's the subtext of the columns scrawled by Wiley from various states of semi-consciousness as he slinks out of the woodwork and insinuates himself into the soft underbelly of Southern California consciousness. Wilier than a coyote, badder than Santa, Gonzo'er than Dr. Duke, the Wilester lays waste to everybody in range, not least himself.
There are two tributaries to the flow of "The Way of the Weekend Warrior": a normal (more of less) plot of a demented outsider snarfing up the media scene, and the content of the columns he writes and broadcasts as his weapon against normality and status quo. Taken from the syndicated cult column of the nineties, these passages snidely sneer, raucously rant, surrealistically swoop, and otherwise amaze and amuse. If you can get get through a chapter without laughing out loud, you get your money back. Well, not really, but you at least have our sympathy and scorn. Wiley is not for the meek and weak... he is THE WEEKEND WARRIOR. Read him if you dare.
Bill Rodgers makes us laugh until our sides hurt in this hilarious look at current events - today and yesterday. “Bill has been making me laugh for over twenty years!” - Jay Leno “Will tickle your funny bone. Damned clever!” - Jesse Sublett, Author, Musician, Austin Character “Bill knows where the funny is.” - Shannon Sedwick, Esther’s Follies
Makeup. Mannequins. Murder. When ex-cop-turned-P.I. Maggie Doyle scores a lucrative undercover job at the makeup counter at a fashionable Galway department store, she expects discounted lipstick and an easy paycheck. After an altercation with a customer leads to a dead body in Maggie’s bathtub, she and her assistant realize there’s more to the department store case than missing cash. Can they catch the killer before the holidays? Or will the festive season end in an explosion of tinsel and turmoil?
Silver Hills Senior and Singles Residence isn’t exactly a boring place. Home to a death predicting cat named Tolstoy, a night manager who may or may not suck blood and float above the floor, a cook with mad voodoo and pie baking powers, and a trio of nosy sleuths who are determined to get to the bottom of the corpse in the library (maybe literally)…some might say things couldn’t get any weirder. Some would be wrong.
Postmen. Poltergeists. Poteen. When former San Francisco cop, Maggie Doyle, extends her stay in Ireland, dealing with more murder and mayhem isn’t on her to-do list. The instant Maggie and her UFO-enthusiast friend discover the dead body of the Whisper Island postman, Maggie’s plans to chill for the next two months are put on ice. After Police Sergeant Reynolds, Maggie’s handsome neighbor, arrests Lenny’s brother for the murder, her friend begs her to find the real killer. Meanwhile, Maggie is hired to investigate ghostly goings on at the Whisper Island Hotel. Can she solve two crimes before St. Patrick’s Day? Or will the island’s annual celebrations end in a glittery flame of green, white, and orange?
Thomas Gephardt is a world traveller. Or at least he would like to be one. Determined to leave the confines of his sheltered upbringing in the United States, he voyages to France to expand his horizons. He spends three months with a French family in Bordeaux, working in a local hotel. Inspired by these experiences, Thomas has plans to continue travelling. However, a romantic interest in Paris—an Israeli woman named Sendi—complicates matters. He leaves but remains in contact with Sendi while he lives abroad in Japan as an English teacher and then in Israel as a volunteer on a kibbutz. Throughout his explorations, Thomas attempts to probe deeply into his experiences and to ponder big questions: What is the value of foreign travel? What is unique about each of these three cultures? How is each country shaped by its history? On the lighter side, Thomas has a variety of experiences—he is seen as a "quasi-alien" in a French restaurant, he wonders if he can meet expectations as a "talking monkey" in Japan, and he is informed that, unlike in The Big Lebowski, he definitely cannot roll on Shabbos in Israel. Bill Bryson meets J.D. Salinger, The Perfect Culture is full of satirical observations and thoughtful analysis of travel, people, and customs.
The first book in the series introduces us to Johnny Tee, a wandering vagabond with a troubled past and an even bleaker future. A fighter, gambler, and liar Johnny Tee has lived a life that has been one misstep after another. He makes a decision to go the straight and narrow that is going to be harder than he thinks due to the fact that he is a complete idiot. Navigating the city's dirty underbelly should be no problem for a guy who is a magnet for trouble, and he's going to need the help of some unwilling friends and the power of unrequited love to save the day.
Ladies, do you need a good giggle-snort? Bobbi Jax, AKA BJ is a magnet for trouble. But this time it looks like things are turning themselves around. BJ hits the lottery when her dog, Twinkles, suddenly starts pooping glitter and jewels. It’s almost like BJ has her very own golden goose. Yup, life is turning from bar rags to riches. Sorta. If only BJ could ignore the odd set of characters that pranced into her life. A psychedelic-clothes wearing veteran named Marley, a too-many clothes wearing homeless woman named Duckie, a black-suited funeral director named Lurch (not really, but it seems to fit), and an old high school pal-in-need named Felicia, who wears rainboots to the bar. And if that weren’t enough? Throw in some unicorns and Death Eaters. Why not? Did I mention that Marley likes to light up? No good deed goes unpunished in this romp through the St. Clemmons’ Cemetery. Word to the wise, if you see Kay, hide! Quinn and Glasneck, still high on the beer fumes from a signing party at a local brewery, decided to take a second step away from their usual writing styles to put together a new mystery (for anyone who wants a laugh) in the style of Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum novels – that is if Stephanie had a younger southern cousin, who ran a bar, and had a thing for police uniforms. This is the second book in the Badge Bunny Booze Mystery, but each book is a stand alone in this series and does not have to be read in order.
#10days #findthewoman #getthejob #doNOTfallinlove "Child star and hilarious hot mess Maizie Albright trades Hollywood for the backwoods of Georgia and pure delight ensues. Maizie’s my new favorite escape from reality.” — Gretchen Archer, USA Today bestselling author of the Davis Way Crime Caper series #WannaBeDetective When ex-teen star Maizie Albright returns to her Southern hometown of Black Pine, Georgia, she hoped to rid herself of Hollywood tabloid and reality show hell for a new career as a private investigator. Instead, Hollyweird follows her home. Maizie’s costar crushing, but now for her gumshoe boss. Her stage-monster mother still demands screen time. Her latest rival wants her kicked off the set, preferably back to a California prison. By entangling herself in a missing person's case, she must reprise her most famous role. The job will demand a performance of a lifetime. But this time, the stakes are real and may prove deadly. “Hollywood glitz meets backwoods grit in this fast-paced ride on D-list celeb Maizie Albright's waning star—even as it's reborn in a spectacular collision with her nightmarish stage mother, her deer-pee-scented-apparel-inventing daddy...and a murderer. Sassy, sexy, and fun, 15 Minutes is hours of enjoyment—and a wonderful start to a fun new series from the charmingly Southern-fried Reinhart.” — Phoebe Fox, author of The Breakup Doctor series “Maizie Albright is the kind of fresh, fun, and feisty ‘star detective’ I love spending time with, a k ...
What's an elf to do? Ladies, ready for another giggle-snort filled mystery? Darn that Nicky Stromboli! He’s the reason BJ has to get a job moonlighting as a winter elf. She swears that the glitter-tights that come with her costume were designed by the devil himself as a torture device. Lucky for BJ, she's crowned the new Queen Wintergreen. Whoop! More money and no tights. But wearing a wedding dress infected with death-cooties might be more than she signed up for. Join BJ, Kay, and Twinkles at Jamesburg’s very own Winter Wonderland, where anything can happen, even murder. Quinn and Glasneck, high on the beer fumes from a signing party at a local brewery, decided to take a step away from their usual writing styles to put together a new mystery (for anyone who wants a laugh) in the style of Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum novels – that is if Stephanie had a younger southern cousin, who ran a bar, and had a thing for police uniforms.
Murder. Millionaires. Mankinis. Armed with her newly issued private investigator's license, Maggie Doyle is on the case…of a sheep that went missing twenty-two years ago. When she trips over a dead body on the first day of the investigation, Maggie realizes there’s more to this cold case than a fight over lamb chops. An invitation to spend the weekend with her grandmother’s oldest friend and her family, the super wealthy Huffingtons, gives Maggie the perfect excuse to sniff out the killer. After the family patriarch is electrocuted in the swimming pool, Maggie finds herself embroiled in yet another murder inquiry. With the body count rising, can Maggie catch the killer before they strike again?
Cheese Tarts and Fluffy Socks: Complex, Enthralling Romance Novel Proves Sex & Work is a Cocktail Best Left Unshaken The most recent in a long line of celebrated romance novels from Nikki Ashton, ‘Cheese Tarts and Fluffy Socks’ zeroes in on a steamy one-night stand that, unknown to either party, is about to kick-off a working relationship that is far more than awkward. A hotel badly in need of investment, a young entrepreneur has been sent in to decide if it’s a good investment, but the daughter of the owner is…well…you get the picture. Darrington Hall hotel is barely keeping afloat, and it's up to Holly Jenkins to save it. Jumping from one crisis to another, dealing with an errant father, irate guests and enduring some highly charged professional differences with the man that Holly can't get out of her head, and it looks certain that she will fail. Against the backdrop of a crumbling hotel, Cheese Tarts and Fluffy socks is a great read with funny and witty dialogue. Interspersed with some dramatic moments is a complex, fun and sexy love story that will make you smile and give you a warm glow.
A despicable stock trader is found buried under an avalanche of his own garden rocks, causing fired-from-the force- Richard Sherlock to be yanked off the bowling alley and whisked to the crime scene by his pampered protegee Tiffany Richmond. He must prove murder and stop payment of the twelve-million-dollar Richmond Insurance policy. Nothing makes sense. Crime scene is a mess. There is no money trail. There are too many motives from too many suspects who have too many alibis. Worst of all Sherlock's bad back is acting up, his ex-wife wants more money and the murder investigation is putting a serious dent in his parenting schedule of his two daughters. Richard Sherlock hates his job, and may be a reluctant dick, but he is better at finding the WHO in WHODUNIT than anyone else.
Shelby Nichols is an average woman who is married to the only guy she ever fell for. Her life is organized and predictable, revolving around her husband and two children. All that changes the day she stops at the grocery store for some carrots. As the cashier rings up her purchases, a gunman is busy robbing the bank inside the store. When a customer grabs the robber’s mask, he is shot and everyone runs for cover. Everyone except Shelby, who finds herself face to face with the killer. The next thing she knows, she’s lying on the floor with a bullet wound to her head. Luckily, the bullet only grazes her scalp, and she doesn’t suspect any lasting affects until later, when she suddenly ‘hears’ what people are thinking. With this uncanny ability, her life takes on a whole new dimension. Her kids think she’s bossy and too old to understand them, but that’s nothing compared to her husband. He says he loves her, but what is it about the redhead at work that he doesn’t want her to know? As if that isn’t enough, the gunman knows she can identify him, and he’s out to silence her forever. In her fight to stay alive, she is saved from certain death by a handsome hit-man with ties to organized crime. This pulls Shelby even deeper into danger, where knowing someone’s thoughts can not only hurt her feelings, but get her killed.
With $120 dollars in his pocket and his life back on track, Johnny heads out to the one place in the world where absolutely nothing can go wrong: Las Vegas. It isn't long before the good-hearted Johnny is involved with the city's most dangerous criminals. The clock is running and the race is on. Johnny has 24 hours to be a hero. ---------------- Trouble has a way of finding Johnny Tee. A wandering derelict without the benefit of logical reasoning on his side, he is off to make the world a better place. To the outside observer, that's not what it looks like he's doing.
Carnivorous garden gnomes or mutant sewer monsters. Nothing is too weird for intrepid paranormal reporter Aurora North. Especially as she usually finds the logical, and deeply unparanormal, explanation for it all. When her editor asks her to check out an alleged vampire attack, Aurora is absolutely certain it’s nothing but a stunt for the university theatre production of Dracula ... until she discovers a dead body with vampire-fang-like puncture wounds. Whether it’s a genuine vampire attack or a hoax gone "dramatically" wrong, Aurora knows she has a fangtastic exposé on her hands. That's if she can keep her trainee in line, dodge the handsome possible vampire and not get bitten long enough to solve the mystery. And write the story An Aurora North Exposé is a cross between Scooby Doo mysteries and Lois and Clark, only there's a teenage sidekick instead of a talking dog and Aurora North doesn't need a superhero to save her—she can save her own darn self!